A Journey of the Soul

Posted on Adoption UI message board by Randy Smith in response to the concern of Prospective Adoptive Parents regarding changes at the National Adoption Center in Ukraine:

I know this is a very anxious time for you and our prayers are with you for a successful completion of your adoption process.

While we were in Ukraine I learned not to assume anything or to think I knew what was going on in their elaborate adoption world – how arrogant of me would that be? There are too many variables and unknowns. I was doing well just to go to the local food market and negotiate the purchase of the right kind of cheese and find my way home in the snow, let alone negotiate the intricacies of the politics of the NAC in a language I can't understand.

Instead I found it better to just to wait for Oleg's team to tell me what to do next – this is after all why we pay them a fair wage. It was very hard at first because we wanted to try to control the situations and the timing of events, but ultimately we had faith, let go, and things worked out great for us and our son Alex. That is not to say there were not anxious moments – there were many.

While in the JFK airport waiting to fly to Kiev I had a moment of clarity about this process that I keep coming back to as we adjust to having Alex at home with us. This was an extreme life changing moment for me.

I realized that this adoption trip was a journey of the Soul. By this I mean it made little sense on a physical or mental level – it is simply too difficult of a journey to be understood on these planes of consciousness.

Friends would ask in so many words, "so why exactly are you at age 51 dropping everything and traveling 4000 miles to a Russian speaking country carrying a bunch of cash to spend a month or more to adopt a child you know very little about based on a verbal contract with someone you have never met who goes by the name of Oleg?"

The answer would be with an odd smile "because, well, you see it is because uh, I know it is what I need to do." Fortunately Cynthia and I both felt this way, we just had trouble articulating it at first. However at some higher level we did not really have a
choice – our son needed us, we were compelled to go, nothing else seemed to matter.

For me this is a journey driven from a higher plane of consciousness that seems to move the body and mind along whether they are tired or not, whether they have previous engagements or not, whether they really want to go or not, whether they have the time or not, whether they can afford it or not. It is a no excuses - just go - kind of proposition. The body and mind are compelled to drop everything and go on this Soul journey. Why? – Who knows why? Because it is something we needed to do and we really did not have a choice.

In the movie The Four Feathers, Abou Fatma (Djimon Hounsou) an African warrior and fellow prisoner takes care of a hurt and suffering young British soldier (Harry Faversham) Heath Ledger. At one point a confused Harry asks Abou "Why are you protecting me?" To this Abou replies from the heart with kindness, conviction and
extreme strength of purpose, "God put you in my way. I have no choice."

To the families waiting with the anxiety of the unknown regarding their pending adoptions, I believe there is a higher purpose at work in your adoption process and that your Soul's journey is perfect and without mistakes, and with continued faith and works will become manifest no matter what the current circumstances appear to be.

And to Alex our son, in the words of Abou Fatma, we are thankful that God put you in our way, not at all as a burden, but as the divine opportunity to protect you and to allow you to find your way on this Earth.

Randy

Filled with Adventure Right Up to the End

We are home. We arrived this afternoon on Air France flight 316. It seems the Aerosvit flight was cancelled due to a breakdown in China, which necessitated another flight, which ended up taking us to Paris, which then caused us to have to spend the night, thus delaying our arrival by well over 24 hours. But we are home. 5 weeks and 1 day later. And all three of us are glad to be here! Much love, Cynthia

The Last Few Minutes of the Last Hour of the Last Evening of the Last Day in Kiev

5 weeks ago we were beginning this trip. 5 weeks ago we did not know what this trip would be like and now, today, the trip is over. It has traveled the arc from future to present to past without even stopping. Smoothly the time has traveled, each minute as even and as fluid as the one before it or the one to come soon after it.

So tomorrow we go home. To the place I have not allowed myself to think about these many weeks. Home to esplanades of cherry blossoms and fragrant flowers. Home to the budding leaves peaking out in their greenest splendour, home to warm evenings and warmer days basking in the warmth of the blue skies.

Home to my house - the one decorated in "Ritz Carlton Lobby Style" with the foyer crystal chandelier dropping brilliant teardrops around the many small lighbulbs ensuring the lights sparkle brilliantly and beautifully once evening falls.

Soon we will be playing with Spunky and Scooter, high fiving Mr. Bear and ensuring Floppy Dog has been an adequate watchdog over Alex's room.

We can't wait to come home. Yeah!

The Potted Plant Flat in Kiev

Among those who use the services of Team Oleg for translation, transportation and facilitation the "Potted Plant" flat is famous. It's a very nice flat with over 12 foot ceilings, ceramic tiled bathroom, large french doors which open to a balconey and a huge bay window off of the living room which overlooks the street below. I know many friends of mine who have stayed in this flat so to you I dedicate the following pictures!!!!

Last Days in Kiev

Since finishing out our paperwork on Tuesday we have been officially free to leave the country and return home with Alex. Team Oleg had predicted a return date of March 10th so they improved the timeframe by 3 days. However, in order to affordably fly first class we are flying Aerosvit, an Eastern European airline which flies out of Kiev to New York on Tuesday, Friday and Sunday. Since our original target date was March 10th we booked tickets on the 12th just to "make sure" everything is complete (Saturday's are often work days here). It was just too much trouble and money to change the flight to only gain 2 days so we've left our flights for Sunday.

Thus, since Tuesday evening we have just been "hanging" around. We have read books, played games, bought Alex a computer keyboard in Russian and generally just "dinked". Wedesday was International Women's Day so we spent a lot of time looking out the bay windows at all the men carrying flowers home!

Today, Friday, it started snowing when we got up, so we decided not to go out in it and instead got together with the Alvastad's on the floor above us so Alex could watch a movie with their two children while we all chatted.

Everyone (except me) has now gone to sleep and I'm sitting here amazed as I realize there is one more full day and then it is Sunday - our departure day!

We want to go home. We have work to do, bills to pay, cats to feed, the house to clean, a school to enroll Alex in and a number of other chores awaiting us. I also am looking forward to some time to write about this trip just for myself in order to capture the details I overlooked in this blog or did not have the time or inclination to think through during the process. I'm also looking forward to a double pepporonii pizza, swiss cheese fondue and a really good steak and salad. Don't get me wrong - Ukraine is a great country to eat in. I divide countries into gain weight and lose weight countries and Ukraine is definately a gain weight country. Still it will be good to bite into a completely known food that I love like Pizza.

Alex improves everyday. The shadow's cross his face less frequently. He moves himself out of "full pout mode" almost as soon as he passes into it. He is cheerful and answers my requests even when made in full sentence English. All around he's a wonderful, intelligent, adorable boy. At times he looks and acts 5 while other times he seems older than his age. His prayers in Russian ring out with the awe of youth and his sleep after his prayers is peaceful and serene. He is ours, he is ours, he is ours.... to love and protect and educate and assist. God is good. Cynthia

Final Paper Chase

We arrived in Kiev Monday evening around 9PM. We are staying in the flat with the large potted plant. It is a very nice flat and is the most comfortable of all the places we have stayed thus far. Our trip from Odessa to Kiev was uneventful. We drove in a large mini-van with another couple and their adopted daughter.

We spent the time talking about our spiritual beliefs which made the time pass quickly. Our views differed but we had an extremely pleasant and friendly discussion and I enjoyed the opportunity to see the world through another's eyes as well as clarify my thoughts by speaking them aloud to another.

Unfortunately, three hours of non-stop talking caused my braces and "palate expander" to play havoc with the interior of my mouth and I've been in pain for the past two days. Note to prospective adoptive parents: traveling to Ukraine with braces and other metallic appliances in your mouth should be avoided if at all possible!

Tuesday we met our driver, the other couple and Helen, an interpreter and facilitator from Team Oleg at 8:30AM to begin the last details to finalize the Ukrainian portion of our adoption of Alex. We all headed to a Medical Center where both Alex and the other couple's daughter had to undergo a physical examination. We found that Alex may have a mild astigmatism and will need a more thorough cardiac evaluation when we return to the states due to an anomalous S1 systolic murmer, as I understand it. He was given a chest x-ray which was completely normal. We also learned his arm was fractured and he sustained a mild concussion, both occuring within the first month at the Internot. We were given the list of immunizations he has undergone as well as a handwritten medical summary in Ukranian/Russian. With that he was pronounced healthy and the appropriate piece of paper with the Doctor's signature was provided to us.



We then proceeded to the last appointment we would need prior to being able to return to the United States with our son - we went to the US Embassy in Kiev to receive a Visa for Alex to travel to and remain in the US. Entering the Embassy grounds there we saw a large tent with heavy plastic as walls filled with people sitting in chairs. I didn't ask the guard about the structure. I'd be interested to know if it was for Ukranian nationals who were seeking permission to travel or immigrate to the US. If anyone knows, please comment.

We were told to "go right in" and so we entered a hall like structure appended to the side of the building. We passed through security - Alex had to take everything off his belt loops. This included two small (miniture actually) compasses, one small LED flashlight, a heart with a prayer on it and the Mercedes Key Chain with front door key to our house which we had given him at the airport when he left America after Christmas to return to Ukraine prior to our NAC appointment. He also had to place the two digital cameras into the plastic bin along with the $4USD, $1UAH and 70 kopeck. Randy was required to relinquish the two energy bars he carries with him at all time. I gave up my make up case containing the small cuticle scissors. Thus, having insured we were weapon free, we were allowed into the Embassey. A quick stop at window #9 verified our appointment. The very nice young lady went through our paperwork and asked a few questions. She had us sign a couple pieces of paper. We were then given a bill and told to take it to the cashier window whereupon we paid our sum of money required. We then were told to sit in a room. After about 15 minutes, we were called to window #15. A young man who spoke as a native American would as well as speaking fluent Russian/Ukranian interviewed us. We were asked how we met Alex, why we wanted to adopt him, who we worked with to accomplish the adoption, whether we would recommend them, did we pay any bribes and when we planned to travel. He then spoke in Russian/Ukranian to Alex receiving a series of answers, mainly shy "da's". He then stamped a few papers and provided us Alex's passport with Visa.

That was it! We were free to leave! We could travel to America at that very moment! Tears welled up in my eyes, tension flowed away from my body, exhaustion settled in. My stomach rumbled from hunger and I wanted to lie down. We came back to the flat and just relaxed. Our flight is not until Sunday, so we are spending these last remaining days in Ukraine "bonding" as a family.

Alex and Randy go to the market each morning. I help Alex with his shower and tuck him into bed each evening. In between we practice English, watch DVD's, walk around the neighborhood, play games and dream of home.

Our time in Ukraine has been 5 weeks - not so long a time when the fruits of this time last a lifetime. We started our journey Sepember 18, 2005 and we will end this portion of by flying home as a family on March 12, 2006. This is only the beginning of the adventure. These past 5 weeks, indeed the past 6 months have brought happiness and pain, laughter and tears, we've experienced euphoria and defeat, we have created friendships we hope will last a lifetime and we have ended relationships both good and bad. Our journey now turns the corner as we move forward from adoption to family. My gratitude is immense as I realize this small soul is now ours to hold and nurture to adulthood. Thank you God. Cynthia


Kiev to JFK Aerosvit VV131
Noon - 3PM March 12

JFK - Atlanta Delta DL 175
5:30PM - 8:05PM March 12

See you soon!

Kiev Bound

We back in Kiev. Randy spent the morning running around with Dima to get Alex's notarized birth certificate and new passport. I spent the morning packing. Alex watched cartoons in Russian and played with his gameboy. Dima P. came and helped us with our luggage. We went to the Internot and Alex said goodbye to the Director and Social Worker. Oksana came to say goodbye to Alex. Oksana's terrific mom came to the Internot just to say goodbye which really was the nicest thing to do. We really appreciated it.

With Internot #4 receding in the mirror of the mini-van Vataliy was driving to take us and another couple to Kiev, Alex left the city he was born and has lived in since birth. Once era of his life has ended and a new one is about to begin. On Sunday March 12th we will fly Aerosvit to JFK and Delta to Atlanta, arriving at his new home with his new parents.

I love this little boy so very much. Thank you God for entrusting Alex to us.

Much Love, Cynthia

Good-Bye Party

Today we had a good bye party at the Internot for Alex and his classmates. This wasn't an event that I looked forward towards. As happy as I am to have our adoption final, like all new beginnings, this one must start with an end of that which was and now is no longer.

The first decade of Alex's life brought much pain and hurt, but there have also been bright spots of love along the way. His mother and father loved him to the best of their abilities, however blunted their capabilities may have been. At the moment of conception, no mother or father intends to abandon their child to face life alone. Yet ultimately these children were left parentless to fend for themselves in a world that even adults find difficult.

Yet as the Spanish Carmelite Friar, St. John of the Cross said, "In the dark night of the soul, bright flows the river of God." And God's river of goodness has brought souls of light to illuminate the way. Alex experienced the warmth of these pools of light shone by those who came to work among the dark halls of the Internot and it is these people that he will be leaving; bittersweet goodbyes amongst the joy of a family formed and united in love.

So to all of Alex's friends, teachers and caregivers I thank you for the love you've shared, the psalms you've taught, the games you've played, the lessons studied, the clothes you've ironed, the food you've served, the care you have given to this one small soul that my husband and I now call our son. Each of you has played a part in this child's life and placed a brick in foundation of his life. With love and appreciation to Natalia, Larisa, Dima, Lela, Viktor, Alyona, Michelle, Dima, Lisa, Tania, Dina, Maggie, Vinny, Oksana, Irina, Kelly, Tonya, Oleg, Nastya, all of Alex's classmates and the many others I've missed naming who have touched this childs heart. I Thank You, Randy Thanks You, Alex Thanks You and surely, God rejoices in you.

Hair Gel

"What's this?" is a common phrase in our daily living now that we have Alex with us 24/7. The other morning while Randy was getting ready for the day he dabbed his dime size daily dot of gel on the top of his freshly washed hair. Alex, right on cue popped his head in the bathroom and managed a fast, "what's this?" "Hair gel," Randy replied walking out of the bathroom.

Hair gel apparently translates multiple languages because the next thing I new, Alex was pulling a hair dryer out of the drawer. This was the first instance I'd seen of anything resembling fashion or grooming awareness so my interest was immediately piqued. Poking my head around the corner I saw him seriously drying his hair. I watched while every so often he would pull a little piece of hair straight and then hit the dryer on button again. Pretty soon the front of his hair was 180 degrees from it's normal position.

He seemed pretty pleased with himself. I thought he looked awfully cute... but then mother's always think their sons are cute. In this case though, I'm sure (smile, grin, wink) that I'm right! Go Alex.

Frog in a Pot

Everyone who knows me well knows I constantly use analogies and metaphors to get my points across. I view life in layers, what is felt, what is seen, what is intended, what is ideal, what is universal. Metaphors and other abstract ways of communicating allow for both the subtle, literal and figurative to be communicated at once. So it didn't surprise me at all to wake up thinking about frogs in pots of water.

Looking around me at the flat we have now been in for over 3 weeks, I realize that the infamous frog who never jumped out of the pot as the water heated up and began to boil, also never jumped out if the water was cooled perhaps even to the point of freezing. Usually the frog analogy is used to illuminate how one can learn to accomodate and even live within an unbearable, untenable, unsafe or uncomfortable situation. But I woke up realizing my inner frog has grown fat and happy.

Yesterday I hit the wall here in Odessa, Ukraine. My stomach is roiling, my body aches from the "healthy" but paddingless board which is called a bed here, I am breaking out because the small shower wand can only rinse about 4 inches of my body at a time and at that rinse rate the hot water runs out before my body is completely clean along with a myriad of other annoyances which I am tired of dealing with. Yes, I admit it, I want to come home!

But in a moment of clear thought, this environment which I have now become eager to leave, is not so different from that which I have known. I'm just a fat frog. This flat is better than what I lived in for 4 years at college. The smokey air is no less smokey than that which I inhaled for the first 17 years of my life, nor is it less smokey than the air we all inhaled until such time as California's "health wave" washed across the country and smoking was banned everywhere. The market which makes me yearn for our giant, spotless, sterile Kroger store is reminiscent of the local store where my grandmother and mother shopped, purchasing daily bread and picking out their own cuts of meat or choosing the specific fish we would have for diner. The towels I find so stiff and picky, lacking in the correct egyptian cotton yarn are just like the one's my mother gave me as a child when she would place them on the line to dry during sunny days. Certainly washing dishes in a small sink after dinner is nothing remarkable, I assisted my mother everyday of my life until that exciting day my father brought home a large box which could be hooked to the faucet and then did the dishes for us.

So waking up this morning, I realized that I have grown to accept the material fruits of a successful 25 year career as the norm, when in fact they are not. And usually that fact can be hidden from oneself by the liberal use of the dollar. One can "upgrade" to the large room or suite and sleep in the "heavenly" bed, stay on the "concierge level" to ensure snacks and breakfast are easily available, become a "Hertz Gold" member to remove the need to stand in lengthy lines, rent the Town Car instead of the Fiesta inuring oneself from any standard of living which doesn't meet one's own.

But Ukraine, struggling out of the shadows of economic hardship and finding it's way from deprivation to plenty, has not yet built the infrastructure for the fat frog. Communism is based on equality at a defined level of comfort. And it isn't fat frog comfort. The economic systems have not been built to allow for one to choose what level of comfort one lives in or experiences.

I'm not sure what I make of these thoughts I've been thinking. My husband and I have worked hard to create our individual lifestyle. It's one that we find comfortable yet someone else may not enjoy at all. There are always those with more, there are always those with less. This frog, having been yanked out of my individual pot, is just darn interested to see how big the kitchen really is and how many levels of heat each of these burners has.

Many have asked me for specifics regarding our stay in Ukraine. I will write more about that in another post. Suffice it to say it's most likely not like home. You will read many books. Bring some form of movie playing device and more than 15 movies. Ensure you have paper, pencils, pens, cards, several games for your child. The beds are really hard, low and do not have a "real" mattress. Yes, you can buy everything you need here, you just won't be able to because everything is in another language, and those that are in the store to help you find what you need - they speak another language too. Everything smells "different." And I do mean everything, the air, the water, the sheets, the towels, the food, the restaurants. We usually process "different" as bad. Be aware of that and prepared. It goes away after a few days as "different" becomes the "usual". Once that happens you have "acclimated". You will look around and say to yourself, "what was I thinking, this is fine." That means you are 3 days from "hitting the wall". The day you hit the wall it's best to stay in and sleep a lot. That allows you to "bounce back". This will give you just enough energy to make it back to Kiev. Not having gotten that far yet, I can only speculate. I think I am currently in the "bounce back" stage. That means Dima S. has less than a week to get us back to Kiev.

Much love, Cynthia

Language Difficulties

Since our court day, we have been able to keep Alex with us all the time. We weren't expecting to be able to do so and learning that he could stay with us caused him to leave the Internot rather suddenly. He went to court and never went back. Well, that's not exactly true. The next day we returned in order to swap the dress shoes he wore to court for his sneakers and to return the winter coat he was wearing as we had brought one with us. When we went back to do this we saw his caretaker Natalia, but did not see any of the other children.

I know that there are children at the Internot that Alex likes very much. He may not want to be there, but he has positive emotional attachments to people who are still there. I know this because during his Christmas visit he moved the picture of his classmates and caregiver I had framed from the shelf to his nightstand and he would look at it every day. He also called several of his friends over the Christmas visit and had long and animated conversations with them.

So on Sunday, we planned that he would attend the hour long English class at the Internot so he could have his usual Sunday lesson with his beloved teacher and friend Larisa, as well as see his two "best buddies" Maxim and Andrey who also had lessons at the same time. I mentioned the plans on Saturday, but he didn't really respond so I thought he understood. But on Sunday, I wasn't prepared for the level of resistance I encountered when I reminded Alex of the day's plans. He didn't want to go, in fact he refused to go. Anything but English. In fact, he didn't want to learn English - ever.

In retrospect it is easy to see what happened. But apparently parenting, especially being a new parent, specifically being the new parent of a child who doesn't speak the same language, has already lived over a decade and is from another country with totally different political, economic and social systems, is something that can't be done in retrospect, but must be accomplished in the moment. The moment began long before I realized there was any problem at all.

On Saturday, the day prior to his English class, Randy and I made plans to for us all to go to eat at Kymehat for a Ukrainian dinner and attend the evening performance of the Odessa Philharmonic with our friend Dima. During the evening Alex became rowdier than we would have liked and began to pout after being told repeatedly that he really needed a bit of calming. The behaviour continued at the Philharmonic and caused us to leave at intermission. We weren't angry with Alex, we just realized that he would continue to pout as long as we stayed and the intermission seemed like the right time to leave.

As an aside, the Odessa Philharmonic is in a fabulous building which was once the Odessa Stock Exchange. It is a beautiful building, in need of renovation, but absoluetely beautiful as is. They have an American Conductor who has worked very hard to better the reputation and attendance and his hard work is evident in the performance.

So we came home and went to sleep. The next day, Larisa was to come to our flat and we were all going to then go to the Internot where Alex would have his lesson along with Maxim and Andrey. However, that morning prior to Larisa's arrival, Alex told me "he didn't want to go to English." We even called Larisa and had her translate for us and sure enough Alex didn't want to see Maxim and Andrey and wasn't sure he wanted to learn English.

Randy, Larisa and I decided that we would continue with our plans for her to come over as this was going to need to be discussed. Learning English wasn't really an option as even if Randy and I continue to struggle through our Russian lessons and even if we miraculously become fluent in the language there are very few others speaking Russian in Alpharetta, GA. Thus, Alex learning English is pretty much a given.

Just prior to Larisa arriving, Alex came to me and wanted to talk to me. He grabbed my hand and pulled me to the window in the kitchen where he stood looking out while I sat next to him on the kitchen bench. His English is halting, made up of words that he knows to cover the basics of getting up, getting dressed, showering, brushing teeth, going to the store, needing something, eating, etc. Sentences are difficult. Emotions and feelings are impossible.

So he strained to try to ask me what he wanted. He gripped one of my hands and traced the air with his other index finger. He tried some sounds, could not find the words he wanted and then ran off for the dictionary. Searching through the pages he found a word, looked at it a long time and then closed the book. "What?, I said. "Sto?" He didn't answer. "Please show me," I implored. He opened the dictionary and showed me a word and said, "I?" and drew a circle. The word he pointed to meant "stay with" and the circle meant Randy and I.

My heart broke as tears came to my eyes. He didn't understand that we wanted him to go to the Internot for 1 hour of English with his best friends Maxim and Andrey because we thought he would enjoy it and every bit of English improvement helps. He thought we wanted to take him back to the Internot because he didn't know enough English. I have never held a child so tight as I did at that moment. Randy came and we both together found the word for "forever". In halting Russian mixed with English, accompanied by hand waves and hugs, we explained to Alex that we would always be his parents, today, tomorrow, next week, next year, next decade and forever more.

It took a bit of time, but his glowing smile came back, he understood. But just as a back-up when Larisa arrived he informed us all that yes, he wanted to see his friends, but only at a "goodbye party" and he would really rather have English class at our flat, if that was ok with everyone. That evening after our day was over and we were coming back from the market he started singing as he ran up the 4 flight of stairs to the flat, "Internot Not, fa la la, Not Internot, Not Me" he sang.

Our Odessa Flat

Petition to Adopt Approved

On Wednesday, February 22, at aproximately 1PM Ukrainian Time, Randy, Alex and I along with Dima our translator/in-region facilitator, Dina the Internot Social Worker and an Odessa City official were all usured into a court room in Odessa, Ukraine for the adoption hearing regarding our petition to adopt Alex. Our judge was a young man who looked to be in his 30's. He had a strong bearing and a forceful energy. Sitting behind the desk in the front of the room, his back was straight with an unblinking gaze. This was not a man to trifle with.

He began the proceedings and as he spoke, our translator simultaneously whispered in English. He asked questions of us regarding our names, address, reason for being in his courtroom and then asked for one of us to address him with our petition. I stood up and spoke, telling him the length of our marriage, what our home was like, our desire to have a child and our love for Alex. Randy then stood and stated that he supported all that I said. Dina, the Social Worker from the Internot stated that she was in support of our petition as did the city official.

The judge then requested Alex stand and then he asked Alex if he understood the proceedings and did he choose to be adopted by us. Alex spoke shyly but clearly, answering in the affirmative. The judge then spoke directly to Alex to let him know that being adopted and moving to America would require mush effort on Alex's part but would provide much benefit. He also spoke to Alex of the need for Alex to exemplify the spirit and intellect of all Ukrainian's and that he was to make his countrymen proud by excelling in his new life. All of us in the courtroom felt the emotion of this judge and I felt tears come to my eyes and also saw that Alex and Randy were similarly affected. In short order, the proceedings were concluded with the judge stating that the court decree would be issued in 10 days, at which time we would officially be parents.

Walking out of the courtroom Alex was beaming. His smile lit up my heart and the warmth of his hand in my hand reinforced my desire to protect and provide for this young boy that Randy and I had just received approval in order to call him our son.

We also received the happy news that the Internot Director had approved our request for Alex to live with us during the 10 day wait. His happiness was evident as we told him we would not have to take him back to the Internot each evening.

After court, we settled in to our apartment, unpacking the suitcase we had brought for Alex and giving him his belongings. We shopped at the market, ate eggs for dinner, watched, practiced writing Alex Rennolds Smith and watched a movie while spending our first evening together as a family.

Thursday we learned of a glitch in the paperwork process. We proceeded to make inquiries today and we are hopeful that it will be easily resolved without requiring us to stay longer than the 10 day wait. We will know more early next week.

We plan on a relaxing weekend. We spent this afternoon with our friend Larisa Papay touring Odessa with a stop at a beautiful church at a monastary on the Black Sea. Tomorrow we will attend the Philharmonic with our friend Dima Papay.

We miss our home, our family and our friends. However, at this point the remaining time is too lengthy to think of home. We are keeping our attention focused in the here and now, knowing that this is an experience we must savor. While there is much that is difficult and uncomfortable, there are also many interesting sites to see and enjoyable experiences to have. We also feel it is exceedingly important that we see Ukraine through the eyes of those who live here so we might better know where and how Alex spent his formative early years.

We have been receiving your emails and well wishes and we appreciate them! Much love to our friends and family, Cynthia

Court Day

Today is the day. We go before a judge in Odessa and submit our petition to adopt Alex. Alex had to handwrite his own petition, stating that he wanted to be adopted by us. There is a 10 day waiting period which begins the day after court before the court decree is released. There is a precedent for this period being waived. We are praying that the wait is waived.

Our court time is 12:00 noon, Odessa Ukraine time. That makes it 5AM EST. Please send prayers.

Cynthia, Randy and Alex

Controlled Chaos

Natalia Vasilevnya runs things with a strict and firm rule. No one argues with Natalia Vasilevnya and lives to tell of the argument. She loves the children in her class, that is clear. The children know it as well. But she also does not allow shenanigans. We have personally listened to her talk to a child in loud Russian for 15 minutes while the rest of the class keeps their heads and eyes down trying not to be noticed. Every so often one will look up and smile at another - the smile that says - she may be mad but she loves us! After the "discussion" is over everyone mills around as usual, happily calling Natalia mama and asking her for this or that.

Yesterday Natalia Vasilevnya spent her 15 minutes talking while everyone looked directly at her. We were unsure what was happening. Once she quit talking all of the children went into movement. One boy climbed atop the cabinets and began handing plants to another boy, one girl started beating the rug with a small broom, Andrey began removing all the books from the bookshelves, Alex took the VHS movies out from under the TV and everyone else pulled everything out of the closets and placed the clothes on the floor.

Randy and I tried to stay out of the way. Soon it became apparent that it was "spring cleaning" day. Each piece of clothing was inspected for tears, missing buttons, stains or what have you. Some went back on hangers, some went into one pile, others into another pile. Just one day before it had been one boys unfortunate punishment for a verbal transgression to reorder all of the coats in the coat closet by size, smallest to largest. But on cleaning day, all of the newly hung coats came tumbling out of the closet for inspection. Every child was involved in one way or the other. Every so often, a child would become engrossed in something that was not related to cleaning - Alex decided to read every VHS box and then come and ask me "we have in America?" "Da" seemed to be the preferred answer, so I stuck with that. Andrey became engrossed in putting more lego pieces on the lego helicopter which we had brought the children a few days before. Alex decided if Andrey was going to play, then Alex was going to play too. Natalia ignored these transgressions and after a few minutes the children once again would get back to the purpose of the day - cleaning.

We don't know why cleaning became of utmost importance yesterday, we had heard that cleaning usually occurred on Saturday. But Natalia Vasilevnya said clean, and these children who love her and know that she loves them, did as she said, so they cleaned.

We observed until such point that the sofa we were sitting on needed to be moved. At that point we told Alex we would be leaving and would be back for him tomorrow. A shadow crossed his face, but he recognizes that though his new life is very close, he still inhabits the world as run by Natalia Vasilevnya and so he gave us a quick kiss and hug and joined his classmates in moving the sofa. As we quietly walked out of the playroom, we hugged Natalia. She has been a good mother to our boy, caring for him until we can care for him ourselves. We are grateful.

Love, Cynthia

A New Day Brings Sunny Skies

Well, I'm feeling better which is a big relief to Randy. When the cranky factor gets too high Randy usually pays the price. If it gets really high, I begin to mobilize to "make things better" and that usually means a flurry of phone calls and some sort of activity designed to improve whatever is causing my crankiness. Luckily, we may have mitagated the mobilization mode thus ensuring we don't have to pack up and move the way too many things we brought to some other apartment that doesn't have garlic loving, techno music loving neighbors - at least not right this minute although I'm reserving my right to do so later.


So, yesterday we picked up Alex and Andrey early in the afternoon and went to Larisa's house for a really wonderful Ukranian dinner. Larisa really went all out for us and we appreciate it so very much. We had a dinner of borscht, pork, salmon, saurkraut, potatoe patties, pickles, pickled apples, fruit and bread. It was delicious. My Grandmother was Polish and my Grandfather was from Germany so the meal was very reminicent of dinners I had at my Grandparents house. The potatoe patties were so good - I think I ate 3 or 4!!!

The boys enjoyed getting out together. They spent most of the afternoon tweaking each others ears, wrestling and playing a video game they found on Dima's computer. All in all it was a great afternoon and we really enjoyed it.

I felt badly that I knew so little Russian as I was unable to talk with Mr. Papay, however in the face of a foreign invasion of Randy and I, he was extremely nice and courteous to us which we appreciated so much.


Alex wasn't very happy when we took he and Andrey back to the Internot. I just can't really even imagine what thoughts and feelings he has going through his mind. This is a hard, hard process. One doesn't come to Ukraine to adopt unless one is completely committed to adopting a Ukrainian child. I don't always enjoy it here, but I wouldn't change anything about this experience. I am learning much about myself, how others live, how we live in relationship to many other people, what Alex's background may have been like and so much more.

To all the folks that sent me emails - thank you! In actuality, I had only gone about a half a day without emails, but some days here, a half a day feels like an eternity. Both Randy and I DO enjoy hearing from our friends, family and those who just happened upon our blog - so keep the emails coming!!

Much love, Cynthia

Out of Sight Out of Mind.....

Helloooooooo, We're still here. If you are reading this, please write: rennoldc@bellsouth.net Maybe everyoone has been particularly busy the last couple days - our email box has been empty. We get a huge boost from hearing what is going on in YOUR life so please write.... :)

Whatever momentary bout of enthusiasm I had mid-week has long since disapaited. I'm tired and cranky and want to come home. The smell of smoke lingers everywhere, as the clean air campaign has not yet caught on here. In fact, that was the first thing I noticed upon entering Boryspil Airport in Kiev. Remember how the US was 20 years ago - people smoked in their offices, on the street, in restaurants, in their car? Well, that's how it is here.

Top that off with our garlic loving neighbors on one side of us, and our European Techno Music loving neighbors on the other side of us and you can understand why my cranky factor is above 5. Alex (along with the great chocolate here) is what makes it all bearable.

Well our driver is here to take us to our friend Larisa Papay's house. It will be a treat to see her and especially because we have permission to bring Alex AND his friend Andrey. I will post more after we come home.

Please write......

Spending Time with Our Son

Yesterday we spent the afternoon with our good friend Oksana. She is an amazing young woman who lives here in Odessa. We met her through Frontier Horizon and she has provided translation services for us for several months. We would email a letter to Alex via Oksana, she would translate, take a picture(s) of Alex , get a letter from him, translate it and email it to us. We would complete this process 2 to 3 times a week. What we didn't know when we first started working with her is that she was a High School Student! She is mature, personable, dependable, posses a keen sense of understanding regarding what a prospective adoptive parent and child might need from each, truly cares for the children and speaks English and Russian fluently. Not only that but she's a really nice person and has become, I am happy to say, a good friend. Randy, Alex and I went with Oksana to MickeyD's on Deribovskya Street and met a Scholership Student and 2 other girls from Alex's Internat. Oksana helped us find a car service with an English speaking driver we could hire so now we are truly mobile! Kudos to Oksana for helping us find Egar!

Today, Babushka Lela took Alex's class to the skating rink. We went and watched them all skate. Alex had not ever skated before but you wouldn't know that by watching him. He seemed a natural and sped around the rink with a giant grin on his face. The other children all enjoyed the outing as well. I think they will all sleep really well tonight!

We had a chance to get a more in depth tour of the Internat. It is a very large building with several "wings" which was built in the 1940's. The halls are long and dark and seem to go forever. The sleeping rooms are upstairs with all of the boys rooms on one side of the hall and the girls on the other. Each class has their own male or female room. Each room is divided into two sides. Each side consists of 5 beds. The sleeping rooms are only for sleeping with the rest of the time spent downstairs in the classroom, gymnasium, playroom or dining hall. Seeing Alex's area brought back the yearning of my heart I would feel every day at 2PM when I would see in my minds eye Alex readying himself for sleep and I would yearn to be there to read him a book and tuck him in bed, even while knowing I was thousands of miles away and 7 hours behind. Now that we are in the same time zone, I still yearn for the day when I can be the last face he sees at night and the first face he sees each morning.

Our love, appreciation, respect and admiration for Alex grows deeper and stronger each day. I can't wait to be his mom and for Randy to be his dad, for us to be a family and for him to be safe and secure and cared for every hour of every day forever more.

Love, Cynthia

Gaining New Perspectives

Wow, what a week so far! Sunday started it off on a good note. Getting out and having supper with our good friends and Alex was just the emotional lift we had needed. To come half way around the world and have friends to get together with and enjoy is just awesome. We are so grateful to our Ukrainian friends who have opened their hearts to us during the past few months as we have come to know them and come to know our son.

Since we had our paperwork notarized on Monday, we did not have any paperwork that we had to attend to on Tuesday. Our facilitator/translator had plenty to do - but he didn't need us to do it!! Our good friend Babushka Lela called us on Tuesday morning to let us know that there was a concert at the Internat that afternoon. So instead of taking Alex on an excursion we stayed with him at the Internat and attended the concert. Spending the entire day with all the children was such an experience. All of these children are precious, smart, healthy, sweet and loving. My heart was so full of love for them all. We played with the children in the playroom until the concert started. Alex was beaming as he enjoyed sharing his bolshoi Papa and malinke Mama with his friends.

At 3PM we went to the Theater room and watched a concert that lasted over an hour. There was Christian music, dancers, singers, skits and games. It was lovely. Alex really enjoyed it and was so excited to use the digital camera to capture the concert. He was so focused and looked like a professional photographer or videographer as he scooted around getting the best angles and zooming in and out.

After the concert Dima and his driver took us back to our apartment. I spent the evening just thinking about the day. I spoke with Babushka Lela that evening and as we talked about the children - their sweetness and their desire to love and be loved we both were overcome with tears. Tears of sorrow and tears of gratitude. Sorrow for that which has happened in their past to bring them to this point in time, and gratitude for the gift of God's love in the hearts of those who heed their inner voice and come to these children with open and caring hearts, to give love and lavish attention on these small souls who so deserve to be loved.

A Wonderful Day

Our translator/facilitator picked us up just after noon today. We first went to the notary office in order to notarize our Petition to Adopt. To become a notary in Ukraine, extensive educational requirements almost as demanding as those of a lawyer are required.

We then went to Alex's Internot. Alex met us outside and brought us in to the Social Workers Office. Dina, the Social Worker met with us, both asking us questions as well as answering our questions.

Alex was very excited to have us visit his Internot. He took us to the playroom and introduced us to all of his classmates and friends. We also met his wonderful caretaker, Natalie. Natalie cares for Alex's group and the children love and care for her very much.

We also had the honor of meeting Babushka Lela. Lela's dedication to the children of Internot #4 is legendary. Due to her consistent work for many years, the children are introduced to the loving presence of God and shown that God can and does work miracles in each and every one of their lives.

Our day was absolutely wonderful! With much love, Cynthia

Photos

February 8, 2006 lunch at the Lybrid Hotel after our NAC appointments



February 10, 2006 trying to make a communication device work - ANY communication device



February 12, 2006 Cynthia and Dima Papay walking down "Millionaires Row" in Odessa, Ukraine



Why this is all worth it!!

Slowing Our Pace

We are now in Odessa and settled in to our Odessa apartment. Our last day (for this portion of the process) in Kiev was Thursday. After our meeting at the NAC on Wednesday we had lunch with three other couples that are here with Oleg's team and then went to the Kiev mall. After walking the mall we wandered our way back to our apartment in Kiev. Thursday we had an appointment at the NAC at 3:45 to pick up our referral letter. We walked to the NAC and met our translator and two of the couples and then we all waited along with about 20 other people. All of us were waiting in the vestibule of the NAC, lined up in the little lobby and trailing down the stairs. Randy was standing right below the yellow sunflower while I perched on a 4 inch ledge. The lights were all off. It looked as though most of the people there were Ukranian - perhaps they were facilitators. After a little while the lights all came on in the lobby and the stairwell and shortly there after our translator, Nastya, called for us. We were one of the first groups to go in. Our team was handling 4 families and all of us were called in by Nastya. Three American couples and 1 Spanish couple. We all trooped into the "NAC hallway" and sat in the chairs along the hall wall. Official looking people went in and out of the doors that led off the hallway. They would exit one door, walk to the next door and enter it. They looked like they knew exactly what they were doing, even if we didn't have a clue as to what was happening. Nastya called the Spanish couple and they all went in one of the doors. About ten minutes later they all exited. The couple looked happy and had a document in their hand. They left and Randy and I were called in. Nastya took us into an office where a young woman was sitting. They showed us the paperwork we had located the day brefore with Alex's picture on it and said "is this the boy?" We said "yes". We then placed our signatures in several places. We were handed a packet and Nastya indicated we were done. Just like the Spanish couple before us, we exited the office smiling, waved at the other couples and left the NAC.

At 6PM Nastya and Aleskey picked us up in their car and drove us to Borispol Airport. Aleskey heelped us get our luggage into the airport and walked with us through the line to get checked in. We were able to check our luggage. However, we packed too much and were over the limit which meant we had to pay $50 grivna. We were then given our tickets. Apparently, unknown to us, when Randy bought the tickets, he had purchased "Business Class". So when Aleskey saw the tickets he told us to follow him. He took off at the typical Ukrainian "leisure stroll" pace. We ran after him. We ran up some steps and under a sign that said "Business Lounge". I was so intent on trying to catch up with him that I didn't notice the floor was 3 inches higher on the other side of the door. As I zoomed through the doorway, eyes on Aleskey's vanishing back, I felt myself falling over as my tote back crashed to the floor. I ended up face down, flat on the floor, which is a heck of a way to make an entrance. I tried to jump up and brush myself off as I embarrasingly mumbled "I'm fine, just fine, no problem", meanwhile my knee started throbbing and my foot felt sprained and my ego was crushed. Any thoughts I had about "looking Ukrainian and fitting in" have been well ground to bits at this point. I'm beginning to think my goal should be to just live through the adventure without major mishap!!!

Aleskey left us, I found the good chocolate and we sat until we heard the word Odessa on the loudspeaker. We stood in line until we went through security and then we were instructed to enter a bus. The bus took all of us out to the tarmac where the airplane was sitting. I asked Randy where the rest of the plane was as it looked like it was "not all there." He said it was the entire plane. I wasn't sure how all the people on the bus where going to fit into the plane. As we entered the plane we saw that the first two rows of seats on both sides were facing each other with a table in between. This was Business Class and we sat in our two assigned seats. Beyond these rows was a wall and then the rest of the plane with the seats all facing one direction. Two very interesting men sat across from us. One looked like a young business guy, dressed very nicely in a well cut suit and red striped tie. The other looked like a young hip guy, dressed in an all beige outfit that looked European. They both talked on their cell phones until the plane took off. Then they both looked at their notebook computers. They did not speak to us or each other. We were given a box which had shrimp, scallops, bread and cheese. It was good. We landed an hour later.

Dima and Larisa Papay met us at the airport. It was wonderful to see Dima's familar face. Larisa also seemed immediately familar from the picture I have of her and Alex framed in Alex's room at home, as well as the conversations I've had with her on the plane. I hugged them about 20 times and just smiled happily.

We took two taxi's to a location about 20 minutes from the airport. Dima pointed out a long dark road that he said led to Alex's Internat. Suddenly we came upon a number of high rise apartments and Dima said we had arrived. Our facilitation team had given Dima and Larisa the address and the owner of the flat was waiting for us with the keys. Unfortunately the flat is on the 4th floor and the elevator doesn't work. The flat is very similar to the one in Kiev. You enter into a hall that has a coat rack and wardrobe. To the immediate right is a door with a kitchen. The kitchen is just big enough to have a small table and chairs. There is a refrigerator, microwave, stovetop, oven and sink. A window looks out from the kitchen into the courtyard created by the 4 highrises that are squared around it. Further down the hall is a double door with a living room. It has a sofa, chair and shelving which has a TV and small stereo. The hall ends with another hall crossing it. On the left is a bedroom with double bed, on the right is a bedroom with single bed and in the middle is a bathroom with a small washer/dryer.

There isn't a thermostat, so the heat is controlled elsewhere. The apartment is warm enough though. The water pressure is not too strong, but the water is hot. All in all we have what we need. There is a food store in the complex which sells food, pharmecy items, perfume, books, makeup and beverages. We are eating a diet composed of bread, cheese, apples, cereal, water, coca cola light and chocolate. Metamucil would have been a good thing to have brought with us!

Our electronics sometimes work and sometimes don't. The phones cut in and out. Apparently one of the cell phones requires us to buy minutes. The phone in the flat just gives us a message in Russian or Ukranian, neither of which we understand. We've given up trying to communicate. If a service works we try to use it. If it doesn't we read or sleep. I'm midway through my second book and am feeling grateful that I brought several. We were enthused about the DVD player we brought along with a stack of movies, but today we plugged it in and forgot to use the converter first. Dead DVD. Anyone know where in Ukraine we can find a DVD charger that fits a Walmart DVD?

The most exciting thing is that we were able to see Alex today for about 3 hours. Our facilitator picked him up from the Internat and brought him over. He looked great and still has his shy but glowing grin. I gave him a first grade reader (English) called "Nemo Finds His Dad" and he read it out loud in English to us!!! He did really well reading it. We played around, watched a movie (and blew up the charger) and then threw snowballs at each other outside. It was wonderful to see him. He has a bad cough that I'm a bit concerned about, so taking him in to have that checked will be high on my list if it doesn't get better before we leave.

However, we won't be leaving for awhile. Our translator has papers to fill out to request a court date, then we will go to court, then we will wait for 10 days (let's all pray this gets waived even though the translator says it never gets waived), then all three of us go to Kiev and then home. So we are weeks away. But we saw Alex - and that's the most important thing at this point. He knows we are really here - that we really have come for him - that he really has a family - that we really will take care of him and love him and make him one of our own. For that I am grateful.

I am truly trying to "go with the flow" here, slow my pace, let things unfold, trust the process, believe in God's timing, give up control. It's not easy. But I'm trying. Love, Cynthia

Received Referral Letter

Today we received our referral letter allowing us to travel to Odessa. It's not actually a letter - it's more like a packet. We received a red file with a copy of our bound Dossier and several letters all written in Ukranian. We are to carry it with us on our trip to Odessa and provide it to our in-region facilitator/translator tomorrow.

We spent the day packing the way to many items we brought and reading. The entire process is stress filled, so a downtime day was nice. Tonight we take our chances on a flight from Kiev to Odessa. Our travel choices came down to an 11 hour overnight train ride or a 1 hour flight. We chose to fly. Our travelmates are taking the train.

We hope we can see Alex tomorrow. We don't know if we will or not. We've learned to just go and do what we are told to go and do. We don't ask questions. It will happen when it happens here and asking questions just delays the process.

I'll write more when we are situated in Odessa. Cynthia

Knocking on the NAC's Door

This morning we had our meeting at the NAC. It went well, we were able to locate Alex's paperwork. Now we wait to receive our referral letter and then off we go to Odessa, Ukraine.

Back in Life's Loop

Having worked in Product Development within the technology sector for most of my career, I knew that the “networked” aspect of my life was important to me. Apparently, being “connected” is even more important to me then I knew. Traveling half way across the world to a country where I did not speak the language and did not know how to navigate its cultural or technology highway left me feeling stranded, alone, bereft of the comfortable mantle of connectivity which envelopes the conscious moments of my day. Randy and I were stranded in a strange apartment, in a strange city, without food or water beyond that which we had packed, without a map, without instructions, without local money beyond the few grivna’s we had gathered before leaving the United States. And the result, in retrospect was predictable, I had a meltdown. A total, loud and tearful meltdown where I refused to see anything positive in the country, city or apartment that we were in.

After spending the last 30 hours in pursuit of connectivity, Randy now has a working cell phone and I have a computer connected to the internet upon which we can both access our email. We also have one broken Blackberry and one non-working Blackberry. We have spent a ton of money but we feel better because the world, our friends and information is now accessible to us.

The apartment which looked horrible yesterday is actually quite nice. It has an entry hall with a wardrobe on which we can hang our huge down coats and place our boots. There is a large living room with a picture window, a TV, a telephone, a desk and chair and a dining table. The bedroom has a wardrobe, 3 small chests with drawers and a full-queen bed. The kitchen has a modern refrigerator and freezer, microwave, stove and small white box which I think may be a washing machine although I have no plans to actually chance using it as I have used up my “patience” reserve on “trying to make things work.” The bath has a tub with shower, mirror with attached shelf and a separate toilet all of which is tiled in very nice ceramic tiles. All in all, it is clean and comfortable, providing what one needs. Now that I can access my email, I think the apartment is quite cozy in its own black and pink velvet swirled sofa which doesn’t match the orange intricately flowered carpet sort of way.

The apartment is located in a busy area of Kiev near the Circus. Just down the street is a market called “24”, which I assume is open all day and all night. It has what one needs in the way of food and drink. We have purchased bread, cheese, yogurt, ice cream, snack mix, water and diet coke. We may get more adventuresome in terms of actual meals once we get further settled. We are grateful for the energy bars that we packed in our suitcase.

Our flights to get here were great. Delta was on time and the flight passed quickly. Upon arrival at JFK, we quickly met up with Laura and Jerry and Sue and Brad. We all ate at the JFK food court and then boarded our flight to Kiev on Aerosvit. Randy and I flew business class and it was really pleasant. The attendants were very nice and the food was excellent. We ate a dinner with appetizer - shrimp and scallops preceded a salad. After this course Randy had a filet and potatoes and I had cheese pasta in marinara. Desert was cheesecake. Half way through the flight we were served bread, cheese and fruit, all of which tasted great. Prior to landing we were served a breakfast of eggs, sausage and bread. I did not suffer hunger during the flight.

What I did suffer from was metal brace wire supports poking into the inner portion of my mouth. In between meals I would load up my mouth with dental “gum” trying to cover the number of sharp metallic wires that rubbed most of the inside of my mouth raw and brought me to tears on more than one occasion over the past few days. I finally made a permanent fix last night. Randy and I spent two hours where he held a flashlight and 10X magnifying mirror and I used a pair of tweezers to crimp and uncrimp the offending 16 wires until I finally was able to pull all of them off. I’m sure it will set my orthodontia plan back by a few months but I was beyond caring. Stopping the pain was my foremost concern. All else was secondary and could be dealt with as needed.

Since getting settled into our apartment we haven’t met up with the other couples who are here with us. We were too focused on ensuring Randy could continue to attend to his work by receiving his phone calls and emails. I spent some of today sleeping while Randy ran around getting new communication devices, internet calling cards, internet callback cards, international dialing codes, international dialing cards and other assorted communication odds and ends. We are now able to send and receive phone calls, send and receive emails, access the internet on our notebook computer and access the internet on Randy’s HP Pocket PC device. My cell phone (770) 842 1608 is NOT working, so any calls should be directed to Randy’s number at (770) 842 1561.

We will meet with the National Adoption Center (NAC) tomorrow. We should receive a call from our translator, Dima, to tell us what time our appointment will be. The NAC will issue the letter allowing us to travel to Odesa. Randy and Dima purchased the airfare tickets for our travel between Kiev and Odesa today. We will leave Thursday evening at 8:30PM (1:30PM EST). It is 300 or so miles to Kiev so the flight should be fairly short. The other couples are going to take the overnight trail which leaves Thursday evening and then arrives Friday morning.

We are looking so forward to seeing Alex. It is hard to even describe our emotions as we navigate through the steps required to bring him home.

We really hope that when we return to Kiev we will have a little bit of time to see some of the city. It is a fascinating environment. Cars seem to buzz everywhere. People walking on foot move down the sidewalks at an astounding pace, seeming to know exactly how to navigate through the pockets of ice and snow. Women wear gorgeous fur coats that drape elegantly down to their ankles and everyone has suede, fur or leather boots. All the young men wear ski caps and huge down coats, creating a European “look” that we are just not able to match. Randy’s height draws attentive stares wherever we go. I’m just trying to stay upright which most likely screams “American” to all who pass me.

This is just the beginning of what we know will be quite an adventure. Now that I’ve slept, pulled the wires out of my mouth and calmed down I know I will enjoy it. We will continue to send updates as our telecommunications devices and access cards allow. Much love, Cynthia

It's Official - We're Going to Ukraine!

You are not going to believe this - I wouldn't believe it myself, except it happened to me so I know it's true.

Monday I really found myself in a funk. I felt as though I needed to know something THAT MOMENT of THAT DAY. So, I whipped up a two page letter and sent it to my Congressman, Senator and other officials including the State Department and the US Embassy in Kiev. I even stayed up until 2:30AM so I could have a long heart-to-heart with the US Embassy in Kiev regarding just WHY none of us seemed to know "when the clock" started on the 15 days President Yushchenko had to review the law allowing the current National Adoption Center authority over adoptions until the new Ministry was up and running on May 1, 2oo6. I had my heart-to-heart, although I didn't learn much and neither I nor the person I spoke with felt better after it was over then we did when it started. I consider that to be a requirement of a "true" and "successful" heart-to-heart conversation.

After the discussion it was close to 3:30, which seemed too close to dawn to go to sleep so I stayed awake until morning. After grousing with my husband for a couple hours about how I wanted to know exactly what was going on, I decided I really needed a nap. Before laying down I said a prayer, ok, maybe it was more like a plea than a prayer - I said "God, I affirm your goodness and I affirm that when I wake up this law will be signed." A quick flash of a long hibernation went through my head. I almost took the words back, but decided that when it comes to God and me, what's said is said and once said, no taking back.

I fell asleep.

When I woke up the law had been signed.

A week from today, our appointment with the NAC will no longer be a future event but a past occurence.

Thank God.

Cynthia

Synchronicities Abound

Until the "Orange Revolution" I'm not sure if I had ever truly thought about Ukraine. I knew of the city of Odessa on the Black Sea, vaguely conecting it to a plethora of unrelated bits of knowledge including Catherine the Great, Robert Ludlum and Frederick Forsyth spy novels and the site of mansion's and villa's of priveleged 19th century Russian's. So while Ukraine was not totally foreign to me, it wasn't a country that was top-of-mind.

I certainly didn't know anyone in Ukraine or anyone from Ukraine nor anyone going to Ukraine. In retrospect, I lived a pretty Ukraine-free life. However, in the words of Inspector Clouseau "not anymore".

Now my world is filled with all things Ukraine. I think about friends who live in Ukraine as easily as I think about my friends who live in my own city. I live in a dual time world where glancing at the clock not only informs me of where I am in my day, but simultaneously informs me of where just over 47 million Ukrainians are in their day. I spend more time reviewing what laws President Yushchenko has recently signed then I do in persuing what legislation President Bush may have recently enacted.

When we first decided that Alex was meant to be a part of our family and shared it with a few close friends I was astounded to find out that one of my closest friend's husband spoke Russian. Randy was amazed to recall that his good friend's wife spoke Russian. Little did we know that was just the beginning of God's great gifts of synchronicities. Then my mother mentioned that her long time business partner had recently married a lovely woman from..... yes, Ukraine. Or as a friend of mine said "of course."

My cousin's wife, a wonderful outgoing woman I have seen several times each year for the twenty years they have been married is planning to travel this summer to.... Ukraine. Her good friend that she has known for over a decade and who often visits my cousin and his wife works with orphanages in ... Ukraine. And prior to Alex's visit, when we needed a Russian speaking teacher to help us learn some basic language.... a Ukrainian born, Russian speaking, English teacher just happened to live in our same neighborhood.

Recently, Randy and I discussed our desires for Alex. We both want him to keep and improve his Russian. Studies show that continued use of the first language is of much benefit in the ability to transfer knowledge and gain additional knowledge in a second language. We want him to be fluent in both languages, truly bi-lingual, multi-cultural, a global citizen. We are also concerned that the inability to communicate in Russian during the first 6 months while he learns English will cause him frustration. The thought of being unable to really express oneself while in the midst of an experience as monumental as attaching to a new family, learning a new language, going to a new school and leaving everything and everyone you know is incomprehensible to me.

So, what is one to do? Well, Randy thought renting Spiderman 2 would be a good start. And synchronicities abound everywhere. Randy felt a little silly renting the movie and felt impelled to tell the young man behind the Blockbuster counter that he was watching it because it was one of the favorite movies of our soon to be adopted Russian speaking son who lived in Ukraine. "I speak Russian," said the broad shouldered, clean cut, just out of high school teenager. "Actually, I am Russian. I moved here when I was eight. If you need any help, let me know, I'd be glad to help."

Synchronicities abound. Wonders never cease.

Cynthia

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There Must Be Someone I Can Call?

Waiting is not my strong suit. In fact, anyone who knows me well, knows that I don't like to wait for anything. I strongly believe in my personal adage, "there must be someone we can call". Usually there is someone, a supervisor, a manager, a regional manager, a banker, a lawyer, a candlestick maker..... someone who has insight into the problem and the authority to make something happen, or they know who does have the authority. In this case thought, my modus operandi is useless. President Yushchenko is not taking my calls. Not that I've tried to call him. I've thought about it dozens of times. I 've perused his website and stared at the phone number for the Press Secretary, but in the end I've simply closed my Internet Browser, offered a prayer or petition to the powers that be and tried to affirm for the thousandth time "there is something good in this for me."

Is there something good in this for me or for us? I don't know and may never know. Perhaps the 30 degree below zero weather is causing road icing on the very road we would be using and thus we are missing involvement in an accident. Maybe someone, somewhere, needed the seats we had on hold to cross the Atlantic last week. Maybe 20 years from now, when we celebrate "Family Day" it will fall on a date of great meaning to us that it would not have coincided with otherwise. Who knows? Maybe this delay has no meaning other than..... it's a delay. Maybe it's one more lesson in the "new and improved Cynthia program" which has been on-going for the past two decades or more - I call it the program that rounds off my corners, making my wheels turn more easily , with less oil required and with a more pleasant sound.

No, there is no one to call. There is nothing I can do. This is not easy for me to accept. I believe in making things happen. I believe that anything is possible given enough desire and will. Give me a good strong "No" and I'm in my element. Ready to take on the naysayers and doubters. Ready to do that which can not be done.

Those with a psychological bent will most probably have various theories on my personality based on this information I'm so openly disclosing. Most probably the theory is nothing I haven't heard before. Depending on who is speaking, I've been called everything from "bull-headed" to "enthusiastic" to "passionate" to "commited to achievement" to "execution oriented". Another way to translate these comments is in a continuum between "no, you are not getting a raise this year" to "congratulations, we are promoting you and giving you a substantial raise."

However, this project I'm so passionately engaged in at the moment is not work related and no one is paying me for it. There is no "project plan" to follow, or any "go, no go" decisions to make. There is only me, my husband, a child thousands of miles away, and a President who may or may not sign a law that will allow this child to begin to call me "Mom."

If only there was someone I could call..... Instead, I'll pray.

Cynthia


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Waiting...... Just Waiting......

We are waiting. We are waiting to pack our suitcases. We are waiting to book our airline tickets. We are waiting to notify the house sitter. We are just waiting.........

We are waiting because the government of Ukraine changed the ministry under which the National Adoption Center (NAC) is authorized to operate. However, the new ministry will not be authorized to operate until May. Thus, the Ukrainian Parliment, RADA, drafted legislation allowing the current NAC to process the adoptions that were in process as well as those who had appointments with the NAC in January 2006.

Randy and I were scheduled to visit the NAC on January 19, 2006 so we are directly affected by this legislation. President Yushchenko has until this Friday, January 27th, to sign the legislation. It is apparently under legal review at the moment. So we are waiting to see if he signs this legislation and if and when he does sign it, we will then go into action and fly to Kiev.

Your prayers are requested. We are not the only family affected. There are many families currently in Kiev whose adoptions were halted midway through the process. There are many children in Ukraine who expected their Mama and Papa to be there by now to bring them home.

However, our hope is that the wait will be short and we will be allowed to continue forward with our adoption of Alex.

Until then we will wait.........

Airline Frequent Flyer Miles Needed!

Randy and I were originally invited by the Ukrainian government to visit the National Adoption Center to complete our adoption of Alex on January 19, 2006 and this is the date we have planned around for the last month. Unfortunately, due to a governmental change over of responsibility for the adoption process our date was canceled and we had to cancel our travel plans. Last minute travel plans throw a real wrench in the budget and as a result of the cancelation and reschedule we are looking for a way to make these new plans affordable.

Our new travel date is expected to be somewhere around January 30th. In order to defray the costs, we would like to use Delta travel miles to make our new reservations. However, our mileage balances are not sufficient. So we are looking for additional miles. If you have either American Express Points, Delta Travel Miles, (or secondarily KLM Travel Miles, Air France Travel Miles or Lufthansa Travel Miles) that you would like to donate to our effort we would be SO appreciative.

The miles can easily be transferred by calling the provider the miles currently reside with and asking them to transfer them to:

Cynthia Rennolds, Delta SkyMiles Number 2063614628 and/or
Randy Smith, Delta SkyMiles Number 2068701347

American Express Phone Number: 800-297-3276
Delta Phone Number: 800-323-2323

For those of you who may have miles you’d like to transfer to us, please know how much we appreciate the assistance.

Thank You, Cynthia and Randy

Soon.... Sweetheart.... We'll be with you soon.

Adopting from Ukraine is described as a walk of faith. A walk whereupon if you do not live in faith when you begin, you certainly will by the time you finish.

Luckily, I have lived in the shadow of God my entire life. I find that small space close to him to be the safest place I can be. Many of my friends, even those I've known for years or decades, do not know how deep my faith is.

I do not claim to be Christian or Saved, Hindu, Buddhist, Wicca, New Age, Evangelical or a member of any group for my faith does not reside in a church or a religion or a dogma or a creed or a ritual or a prayer. My faith resides in the small spark of light within me that I know connects me to the creator of all that is, all that has been and all that will ever be.

I don't fight the darkness or believe in attacks of evil. I simply enedeavour to remember to shine Gods light where darkness lies. My light often dims and my batteries run low. Often I just plain forget that I have access to a light that never fails and thus I fail to access this light.

I believe in the way of the Christ without having to believe or disbelieve in the literal veracity of any one version of historical events.

Many people fear for me, sure that I have not said the right words or given absolute loyalty to the right pledge and thus my soul lives in jeopardy. I do not worry about my soul. It has existed for all of time. I was, I am and always will be. Many people really fear for me when I speak of my belief in reincarnation or my surety that we aren't the only intelligent life form in the universe.

Whether the other life forms live here or somewhere else in this marvelous holographic universe that stretches infinitely as far as the eye can see, whether these life forms are dolphins (surely they qualify as intelligent life forms) or giant reptilian humanoids or small gray gumby like creatures or tall blonde-haired nordic warriors from far away skies, they too come from God and so their existence or lack thereof doesn't affect my spiritual views.

What does affect my spiritual views is the magnificence of the love, support and comraderie I have found these last few months as I have Searched for my Son. The synchronicities that have allowed my husband and me to complete our Dossier and submit it on the very day the Ukraine government decided to once again accept US Citizen submissions. The unintended networking which resulted in us finding a Ukraine facilitator we have total faith in, a Georgia HomeStudy Social Worker who is commited to submitting comprehensive homestudies in the shortest amount of time, an expert in the preparation of the Ukraine-required "Dossier", a complicated and daunting document, apostilles and all, in one weeks time*.

What do these three people have to do with my faith? I believe that my thoughts attract and when I shine the light of all that is my thoughts attract that which is positive and good and true and kind. If I had to manage the details of this adoptiion or my life I'd be mired in details and going in circles.

But there in the shadow of God, close enough that he stands between me and all else, I have only one task, to show up each day in a state of gratitude and do whatever seems to be the next right thing. All the details are handled by he who is all and lives in everything.

So today my gratitude stretches far and wide. I am grateful that the Parliment of Ukraine decided to continue to process adoptions until the new Ministry takes over in May. Yesterday our visit to Ukraine to adopt Alex was in doubt. Today it is not. I am grateful. Tonight in the hypnogogic state just prior to sleep I shall give thanks for the blessings of this day and ask that I be given yet another day in which to attempt to walk the path of faith and love.

I love you Alex. We will be in Ukraine very, very soon to bring you home. Do not worry my son, for your father and I hold you in our hearts and there is nothing, nothing we will not do to bring you home to us. Sleep tight, we'll be with you soon.

* Oleg Maryenko at ukradopt@yahoo.com, Kelly Barth at KB_elina@bellsouth.net, Tonya Boggs at tmb_aps@yahoo.com

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My world is a different place.

I have a son now – and the world is a different place.

Prior to Alex’s arrival I knew this would be an intense and emotional experience. The impact this young man had on me was huge and way beyond my expectations.

He is an amazing young man. He is strong in spirit, high in energy, and kind of heart. He is very smart and has a very playful sense of humor. He is quite athletic. He has a magnetic personality. He has an enthusiasm for life that is astounding and must be rewarded with all the opportunity I can provide him.

Alex has changed my life forever in two short weeks. He has also brought Cynthia and me closer together in new ways through this shared experience.

His visit seemed incredibly brief, but at the same time it was long enough for me to know he is and will always be my son.

It was incredibly difficult to see him go back to Odessa even temporarily. Now my main focus is brining him home so that we (Alex, Cynthia, and me) can continue our life journeys together as a family.

Please keep us in your prayers.

Randy